Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize