i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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