Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
