At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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