Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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