We need to rekindle our bromance
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
