yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When are your genitals available?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize