So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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