Will you blow on my dice?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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