yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
