Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize