I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
