i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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