we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
