so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
