From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
