Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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