if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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