Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
