Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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