So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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