the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She needs sedatives and a leash
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize