school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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