Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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