Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
