There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
