Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Panties = found
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
