Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
