Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
