We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
