I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
