You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
