If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Let's get the cat blown out
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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