I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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