no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
