whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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