So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
