I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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