walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
