I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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