i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
