Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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