This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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