I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
