DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
