Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
