I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
