So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
