first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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