We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
