Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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