Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize