I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
