Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize