you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
