youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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