I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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