I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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