The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
