I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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