it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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