mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
