i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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