i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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