bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
