his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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