I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
