I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
