I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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