Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
