Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
