hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
