guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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